It is time to forgive yourself,
Until we let go of the pain of the past, how can we move forward. Until we realise that we are all on this earth to learn we will be stuck with, I should haves and what if I hadn’t……..I make “mistakes” every single day! I may not be as kind as I thought I “should” have been, I may snap at my children when I’m sweeping their food from the floor and they ask for more and I haven’t eaten yet, I may not be listening fully to somebody when they are talking to me. This doesn’t make me a bad person, it just means I need to work on myself. Every time where we know deep down that we could have done something differently it is an opportunity for learning not a chance for us to berate ourselves and flog our selves with a big stick!
Wayne Dyer says it so perfectly.
“You’ve already abandoned everything you’ve ever known. All you have is now. That’s all there is. The whole idea that you’re tied to what you’ve been is nonsense.
I use the metaphor of a boat going down the river. When you’re standing at the back of the boat, looking at the water as you’re going along at forty knots, what you see there is the wake. The wake is the trail that’s left behind. You can ask the question, “What’s making the boat go forward?” It can’t be the wake. The wake can’t drive the boat. It’s just the trail left behind. It can’t make the boat go forward, any more than the trail that you’ve left behind in your life is responsible for where you’re going now in your life. The belief that whatever you’ve been is what you have to be is a meme—a mind virus.”
Sometimes we may keep ourselves busy, busy, busy to dull the pain of the past. What about if today you stop and allow. Allow the thoughts, the feelings, the tears to flow. What has happened will not define you, however it does need to be seen, to be honoured for what it is and to be left in the wake so that you can move on. Perhaps you can write it down to understand what it is and where it has come from, the shift may not happen all at once but you may start to feel relief. Try some shadow work, write it down, get it out of your body, and DO NOT LET YOUR WAKE DEFINE YOU.
FORGIVE YOURSELF, FORGIVE OTHERS………..
November 12th 2017 I had a phone call from my brother to tell me that my father was in hospital in Turkey (where he was living) and was very unwell. I had spent the early years of my life feeling extremely angry with my father and after sometime I decided not to speak to him at allI. The years past so quickly and I kept saying that I would definitely like to see him, but I didn’t know what I would say because I was still so angry with him. As more years passed and I reach my mid thirties I let go of the anger and pain and I forgave him, only, I didn’t tell him, I thought I would get a chance. Then comes the phone call. I was here in Australia with my 2 boys and fiancé, selling my dance school and desperately trying to hold everything together. I wanted to be with him but when the prognosis was looking good I decided to wait until my trip back to England. I was on the phone every day, and he was on and off life support, he started to worsen. I couldn’t let my father die not knowing that I had forgiven him and that all is ok, I wanted him to leave knowing that. I got on a plane to be with him so that he could pass over in peace. When I landed in Turkey and my uncle met me at the airport I knew right away……He passed away while I was flying, my heart was broken and I am still working on repairing it.
This is the first time I have ever spoken about this, let alone written it down for people to read. Once again I am not telling you this story for sympathy, I know that he is with me now and I feel his presence all the time.
The pain and anger were destroying my soul for years, stopping me from moving forward in so many parts of my life, subconsciously!! And the way it ended was heartbreaking, however my father was my biggest teacher, it all happened the way it was supposed to. Once I forgave him my life took a completely new direction, I also forgive myself for not being by his side.
Sending my love as always,